Safety Rules

Focusing is a practice of listening primarily to our bodily felt, physical sensations, and then to our emotions, thoughts and memories that arise. Gene Gendlin, the creator of Focusing, named all of this the felt sense. The felt sense is what guides the practice, and therefore the insights. It is the cake if you will. The listening, prompt questions and presence all help, but it is the felt sense that is the key to this practice. As such, no advice-giving is needed or helpful to the practice.

When listening to a Focuser in a Focusing partnership, stick to what works for the Focuser (but do stop if you are uncomfortable). For example, ask about reflections (whether to use their words, or mostly yours, or a combination) or prompts suggestions. Go with what the Focusers requests—that is what will create a safe space for their felt sense to form and shift. They may ask you for what they know works, or they may not know, in which case you can adjust as you go.

Typically, Focusing partnerships are an exchange of Focusing and listening, with both having the same amount of time. It is best to stick to this arrangement unless an alternative has been agreed to in advance. For example, from time to time, one may offer to listen without an exchange. In those cases, it's more like pay it forward. You don't exchange with each other, you exchange with the community, and know someone will be there for you when you need a listener in the future.